Swedengate came about when someone on the news and discussion forum Reddit posed the question, what is the weirdest thing you’ve had to do at someone’s house because of their customs? One respondent said that when he lived in Sweden as a child he was not invited to eat, but had to wait in his friend’s room while the family was having dinner.

“On the same day, four radio programmes and several Swedish newspapers, an Indian online magazine and even the New York Times called for interviews,” says Håkan Jönsson, one of the few experts on Swedish food habits.

A criticised practice

After the uproar last spring, Håkan Jönsson carried out a research project on the criticised practice and it made him aware of how special hot food at dinner was in meal terms; the friend who had to wait upstairs, on the other hand, would often be called down for dessert if the friend was playing for a few hours. Fika and snacks were also always provided, anything else would have been impolite and unacceptable.

Meals are about family togetherness and respect for a family’s privacy, and not interfering with other families’ habits or how they raise their children. It was understood that feeding another child dinner implied that they were not being fed at home.

“That’s why a child wasn’t sent home with a full tummy. There was a kind of unspoken respect for the other family’s meal, especially between the mothers,” says Håkan Jönsson.

A common story

He says that the custom was one of the most common stories that emerged in the Kulturekrockkudde (“Culture Air Bag”) project that was conducted in 2013.

“It was perceived as the oddest custom, something that was incomprehensible if you came from a different culture,” says Håkan Jönsson.

The phenomenon had never previously been properly researched, yet is relevant because it highlights many aspects of mealtimes, views of the family, silent norms and changing cultures. Before the summer, a list of questions was sent out via the Folklife Archives to investigate the matter.

“Usually, we get 70 to 100 responses, but this time we got 400 responses in one week.”

The survey showed that many people had experienced the phenomenon, but they had understood it differently.

Perceived in different ways

“For some people it was very odd and unpleasant. Some explained that their parents didn’t want them to play with Swedish friends. It was sometimes perceived as rude or downright hostile not to offer food,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Others did not reflect on it, just accepted it, or thought it was exotic and nice. They got to look through their friend’s toys or play computer games.

Friends were not given food sometimes for practical reasons. Perhaps they had only planned for four, or the table was too small.

Digging deep

But if you dig a little deeper, the custom is all about a very strong focus on autonomy. As the saying goes, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Meals are something given as a gift to create alliances. Not feeding someone else’s children was a way of not putting the other family in debt.

Going back further in time, Håkan Jönsson believes there is something that might explain the Swedish fika culture. Serving coffee has long been a tradition, but the idea of eating spontaneous dinners at someone else’s house has never existed. Invitations to eat cooked food were made under more regulated circumstances.

“The origin of this is probably from larder culture. In Nordic countries, you had to produce food for twelve months under a fourth month period, and it was therefore very important to keep an eye on the consumption of that food,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Verbalise silent practices

If this hypothesis is to hold, the phenomenon of not inviting your child’s friend to dinner should be present in the other Nordic countries.

“It is, but clearly it was time to have a go at Sweden. It also feels good to be able to knock a country like Sweden off its pedestal,” says Håkan Jönsson.

Customs often have more complicated explanations than that Swedes are merely a bunch of cheapskates. But that did not stop many immigrant children from feeling that they were not invited to eat because of the colour of their skin.

“Obvious habits are rarely verbalised, it’s almost impossible to do so. We have to be better at verbalising silent practices, the things we just do,” says Håkan Jönsson.